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The Five Best Translations of Donkey
By Shawn | April 2, 2008
I don’t think I can explain in words the countless times throughout the day I am thinking of donkeys. Their majestic beauty and rugged spirit really capture what is good and pure in this crazy world we live in. And fuck me if I want to learn everything I can about these odd-toes ungulates (really). For one they have a pretty sweet nickname… “ass”. I mean what thing has ever had a better actual real and “used in the bible even” nickname? Linday Lohan is second runner up with “Whore” but I think “ass” takes the cake, much like my ass after a long night of feltching (nothing soothes suck marks like yellow cake), but I digress…
For example I bet you didn’t know that donkeys are descendants of the African Wild Ass (I didn’t know Charles Barkley was old enough to have descendants of other species? I guess you get some pretty weird “strange” in the NBA) I did a little research and came up with what I think are the five best translations of donkey available in the world currently. I am sure they had some pretty good “clicks and whistles” back in the African Wild Ass’s heyday but they don’t have “clicks and whistles” on Google translate anymore (Gibson sued them for patent infringement)
5) Portuguese and Spanish: Burro
These guys loose points for un-originality but make up for it making me think of donkey shit while I am eating at Chipotle.
4) Dutch: Ezel
There are a bunch of different variations of this version through out the Scandinavians countries but this one wins because when you replace an “s” with “z” you are a champion in my book.
3) Hungarian: Szamár
Normally nothing about Hungary is scary but If someone just told me that a swarm of Szamar’s were attacking I would be pretty fucking frightened.
2) Italian: Asino
Well what can you say about Italians they just make things sound fucking cool. They have a way of making shitty sounding things in enlish sound pretty nice. I don’t want a “bag of warm penis” but a “sacchetto di caldo pene” doesn’t sound to bad now does it? But now that I know that “pene” means penis in Italian I am pretty much done with penne pasta.
1) Esperanto: Azeno
Again any time you can replace “s” with “z” you will be several steps ahead of all competitors, but Esperanto is the clear winner due to the fact that William Shatner is a fluent speaker of this insane made up language. He even made at least one movie speaking only in Esperanto, but not riding an azeno… as far as I know.
Topics: Funny Shit |
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